You are who you are when you are alone.

Alfred Tanuwidjaja
3 min readJul 31, 2024

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Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash

Over the years, I have read and heard this phrase constantly.

“You are who you are when you are alone.”

Once I realized the truth behind this phrase, I started to clean up my act and became aware of how I could be a better version of myself every day.

From my observation, I behave better and work harder when someone is watching. I don’t know if this is a typical case of fear of being judged or what someone thinks about you, but it’s true. However, when I’m alone, I become a different person. To put it bluntly, I become the person I dislike the most.

I was lazy.

I was distracted often.

I was scrolling through social media apps.

I was playing video games.

I was multitasking.

I was doing absolutely nothing.

But, in hindsight, once I realized these negative traits of mine, I started to work towards changing them for the better. Once you have identified and become aware of the negative things you like to do whenever you are alone, it’s easier to change them.

Changing my negative actions when I’m alone is critical because I will spend my time alone doing post-editing jobs or creating content. If I continue being the person I am when I am alone, I will never be able to reach my goals or feel inspired to do anything. The faster I can identify and work on changing these mistakes, the faster I can improve myself.

It takes a while to create and follow through a new habit.

It takes a while to come out of your comfort zone.

Small tasks, bigger wins.

I spend most of my alone time creating content about my work experiences as a filmmaker. This content ranges from blogs to me speaking in front of the camera. However, only some people consume my content. I understand that consistently putting out content is key to building your brand or selling your services, but it gets dark quickly if no one consumes your content.

“Why do I even bother?”

“I know, I’ll play video games!”

I will find ways to distract myself away from reality.

The scary thing about situations like these is that if we keep doing it for a long time, our mental health will be affected by our actions, and we will become completely uninspired or too depressed to do anything that will benefit our personal growth.

I like to give myself short daily quests that I can accomplish on my own. Nothing is too big or too small; it’s just nice. Doing this exercise will slowly regain my focus and make me feel hopeful again. Since I can complete tasks daily, I am worthy of the greater good.

Pick up a book and read 1 page.

Write a 300-word blog.

Do 20 push-ups.

Drink two glasses of water.

Sometimes, we behave a certain way when alone due to boredom. Finding things to do will overcome that. But what to do exactly? To each his own, I would say.

It doesn’t have to be work-related.

You can go for a walk.

You can speak to a friend.

You can make yourself a sandwich.

You can pick up a new hobby.

The goal is to avoid the negative actions you do alone and replace them with a new positive habit.

In short, be aware of what you dislike about yourself when you are alone and work towards changing them comfortably. Remember, practising a new habit takes a while to break your comfort zone.

Small tasks, bigger wins!

Thanks for reading!
Let’s keep in touch.
hello@alfredtwj.co

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Alfred Tanuwidjaja

Life lessons I learned as a music teacher and brand content creator - hello@alfredtwj.co