I am broke but happy

Alfred Tanuwidjaja
6 min readJan 29, 2024
This is me, enjoying a hearty breakfast before a shoot

My level of happiness is always tied to how much money I have in my bank account. This habit of mine was formed at a very young age. Growing up, it was always about how much money my parents had in their bank accounts and witnessing them having unpleasant exchanges over money-related issues had left a negative imprint on me. Therefore, without realising how this episode affected my journey growing up, I sat in it for years and still practised it today. There is always a cycle on repeat — I make money, I am happy, I spend it all, I am sad and my mood affects everyone around me. I have had mentors giving up on me, not because of my potential as an entrepreneur but because of the mood swings I was throwing at them whenever I was broke which is all the time.

Recently, I forced myself to sit down and do some self-reflection on why this problem of mine is recurring as I was on the brink of ending myself, again. In short, I decided to give myself a chance to live my life to the fullest and to forgive myself and here are some of the topics I want to share today.

I chose this path I am on

I could have landed a full-time job and kept myself occupied but I chose to live the life of an entrepreneur instead. Being an entrepreneur is tough, very tough. The success stories I have seen or heard from friends or the media are what I want to achieve someday…